Thursday, December 9, 2010

Sometimes

Sometimes I just step back and think to myself...

That it's so cold outside. Even during the summer.
I think its the world.
I think its the things people do to each other, the way we hurt, manipulate and lie to each other.
The way we betray trust. The way we are selfish and self-serving.

Cold makes you draw into yourself. It makes you guarded.
You cannot have any cracks in the exterior you are presenting, or a cold gust of wind will blast into those cracks. A feeling unlike anything else. It sends icy chills like demonic fingers gliding up and down your spine.

That's how I feel sometimes.

Sometimes I think that it's warm outside. Even during the winter.
When I look around I can see the good in things. They wrap around me like a blanket.
Cozy and secure. Somedays the world isn't so bad.
People help each other. They care. They're genuine.
Their smiles light up the night.

There is a security in holding the hand of another. A certainty.
People don't leave. People don't cry or hurt.
They love. They hope. They act.

These two places are very much the same, though they are very different.

These two places live in my head.

I want so badly to give up, but I have much to do.
I want to draw in, but am continually drawn out.
I try to hold on, but people always leave and change.

Will I always walk alone, in the cold world?
Or is there a possiblity of finding something more...

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