Monday, January 24, 2011

Past Due

Haven't posted in awhile 'cause my laptop recently blew up. Sad.

I really felt very cynical today. No not cynical...well maybe just a little. But cynical isn't the right word...perhaps despondent is. I really just didn't give a shit about that despondent? Or lethargic perhaps? Whatever the word it was one of those days.

I worked a mere four hour shift today preceded by very little activity and followed by, well, that remains to be seen. I may go to Starbucks tonight and sit with my friend Bry while she works on stuff for her scholarship pageant.

Yesterday was pretty cool. Wore my Bears gear over to church at Rivervalley in Oshkosh. Got quite a few looks when I went in too. Oshkosh is quite a change from the Milwaukee area, and I guess it's since Mil-Town is closer to the border, but up here being a Packer fan is pretty much a religious activity in and of itself and Aaron Rodgers is god. Yup, that's totally accurate friends they have actually adapted the Lord's Prayer to make it a prayer to the Packers and A-Rodg.

No doubt somebody probably thought it was hilarious. It's likely that person was probably rocking a blaze-orange coat and wearing a Packer jersey underneath and camo snow pants, but hey! It's the Packers after all!

Had several people make comments on my attire, and it was clear they probably thought they were making some hilarious joke. I just responded by saying I like controversy. Which is true.

Then went over to Bry's house to watch the game. The first half was a dismal performance by the Bears, however the second half, I felt, was well done. They managed to stonewall the Packer's offense and score on the Packer's defense (within a minute of play) using their third string quarterback. When all the chips were down however the Pack came away with the win and are on their way to the Superbowl. A well played game on their part.

Afterward I played some Just Dance 2 on the Wii with Bry (I totally channeled my inner Beyonce' for Crazy In Love), and after quite a few Throwback Mountain Dews were successfully in my stomach, we headed back to Osh.

When I woke up this morning, I felt like a worthless P.O.S., and I don't really know why but I just hated shit today. So I watched the Incredibles. Love it.

I found myself kinda wishing I had superpowers. Ever wished that? I did. I was thinking it'd be super neat to be like Mr. Incredible and to be able to destroy brick walls and stuff. However, as that isn't a very relevant life skill I'm pondering other potential powers that would be wicked sweet... will get back to you on that.

Life however is not like the movies. The bad people don't always get put away, I don't have supercool superpowers, the guy doesn't always get the girl... it's really kinda sad how mediocre our lives can be.

There's always tomorrow though.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Join the Team!

If you feel strongly about To Write Love On Her Arms and the work they do you can help!

If you join the TWLOHA street team, you can do fun orders, while spreading this great message!

You also earn store credits which can be used for merchandise! :)

Just click on the banner to be taken to the fancorps sign up page!

If you join, make sure you find my profile under the buddies section: User jc57704

Hope to see you online!

With Hope,


Sunday, January 9, 2011

Chiodos and TWLOHA

Chiodos are friends of TWLOHA! Check out Craig Owens rockin' the new tank top!

TWLOHA on the road blog

Follow TWLOHA's on the road blog with me!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Worth the Pain

Worth the Pain: by Disciple

The light at the end has faded away.
One terror after another.
Somewhere in the fire,
the embers of faith
will burn through tomorrow
You’re breathing.

It’s worth the pain.
God’s in the rain.
It’s not too late to start again.
It’s worth the pain,
so hold on tonight.

Your passionate eyes try to explain,
all the blindness you’re feeling.
The six feet of lies exposed in His fire
resurrecting your sunrise.
You’re breathing.

There’s grace
when you’re at your wit’s end,
begging for it.
He’ll take you by the hand,
there’s grace.

I realize more and more that if it wasn't for grace, I just wouldn't be here.

I wouldn't be able to deal with my many shortcomings and failures.

I think I would definitely be crushed under the weight of everything...

Thank you Father for your unending grace and love, even for someone like me.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

We Write Love.

Recently I joined the street team for an organization known as To Write Love On Her Arms.

My initial impression, upon seeing their shirts sold in local Hot Topic stores, was that TWLOHA was some emo/skater/ punk band who had incredibly high whiney voices. You know the type. The bands who, when playing live, have an audience filled with pre-teen girls and guys who haven't heard any real rock music yet.

Fortunately, TWLOHA is so much more than that; it is not a band, but a community and it's mission is to raise awareness and to provide hope and help to those struggling with addiction, depression, self-injury, and suicide.

I can't thank them enough for what they are doing.

In my life I have struggled with depression and self-injury. I have felt alone and isolated.
Many who struggle with these things feel the same way...that they are the only ones who deal with these things and that there is no one who can help them.

Because of my past I felt very strongly about doing something to help others who have been, or are going through, that place in life. I wanted to use whatever strengths, gifts or talents that God has placed within me to help others, but I had no idea where to start.
A friend of mine was wearing a TWLOHA t-shirt one day and I started to tease her about her "emo band" and she actually told me a little about what it actually was. I was intrigued to say the least.

Recently, founder Jamie Tworkowski spoke at an event in Oshkosh which I attended with two good friends of mine. He told the story of how TWLOHA came into existence.

It shocked me to know that over 121 million people in this world struggled with depression. That I was anything but alone in my battles with this dark place.

He also said that over 2/3 of those 121 million people never seek treatment or help of any kind.

Depression and self-injury continue because of the strong feelings of shame and failure which accompany them. It keeps those who are enduring the struggles in the dark.

Jamie had a quiet, laid-back style of speaking, yet there was definite conviction in it. I felt his compassion for the girl who had inspired this whole dream, I felt his compassion for those who continue to struggle. It was like he was talking specifically to me, and yet to everyone in the room at once.

The truth of the moment was incredible. With every word I felt my heart become lighter, because there is hope for those who are broken down. There is a new tomorrow just beyond the storm. There is rescue and solace for those who are tired and weary.

Every person who has ever lived is writing lines in the story of humanity. Some write lines of hate and despair. Some write lines of sorrow others write joy with their lives. I truly believe that every line is essential and valuable. I don't think that there is a single person who's story is a waste.

I want to spend my life writing the story of love to any who will listen.