You can't live without the feeling low.
It's just a natural part of life. Last night I hit a wall, and was legitimately questioning my significance. It was so paralyzing. The feeling that I didn't want to get out of bed again; feeling like it wouldn't matter to anyone if I did anyway.
I am also finding myself questioning whether the things I hold closest to my heart are actually healthy for me.
This is the book about life that doesn't get written. It's too painful. The idea of broken relationships, lost love, lack of respect for self and others...these are things that happen on a daily basis. These are the endings that don't have a nice little bow on top of the box. The reality that there isn't always a happy ending and that people will leave hurting.
In the end you end up questioning if anything is worth it. If there will be healing, help and a newfound peace despite the loss. I questioned it last night. I find myself wondering if this is how it will be for the rest of my short stay here on earth.
It does get better.
Today is a new day, and despite the feelings I chose not to act selfishly. There are so many people in this life that have helped me. Who have repeatedly picked me up and brushed me off. They have stopped the bleeding from my wounds. They are the reason I live.
There's also this guy I know. Jesus. I know for a fact the truth amidst the chaos of my mind... and that is that He saved and continues to save me from myself.
I'll be the first to tell you that life is hard, and as a follower of Jesus I won't sugarcoat the truth. It can be ugly. Things do get messy and people do leave. It's just the reality of living in a broken world...
Each day is a battle and I may face more trials, but in Him I know I will win this fight.