Have you ever been in a relationship (friendship, family, or romantic) in which you were wounded?
I'm not talking about the momentary hurt of a careless comment.
I'm talking about the deep deep wound, the kind that bleeds every time you see that person. The kind that causes you to question whether or not you could ever see them again without feeling the pain deep within your heart?
Many times the answer to this problem is to walk away. To let time heal, and to learn from the scars.
But the funny thing is...
Many don't do that.
If you've been in this situation, there is a good chance that there was a period of time spent trying to maintain that relationship. Trying to "fix" it and shape it back into some semblance of what was; all the while trying to avoid the hurt which caused the emotional train wreck to begin with.
In the process, one can end up wounding themself even more and a relationship becomes a compulsive relationship. One where the parties involved grudgingly go through the motions of friendship because they are too scared to let go.
Do we really hope to salvage what once was? I mean, really, truly? If we're honest with ourselves when the cards are down it actually seems like a hopeless feat. Kinda like walking up a mountain with no shoes or supplies, or going rock climbing without a rope or harness.
No matter how many times you may try to make it work, it just won't.
Even stranger than trying to 'make it work' again is the reluctance many have to admit or acknowledge that something is wrong.
Sometimes it's a mutual feeling; sometimes it is one person holding something over another's head.
Guys and girls alike have both been at that place where they are virtually tearing out their hair and ready to scream "I can't read your mind! Just tell me what's wrong!"
But we don't.
We code our messages. We give a look. A roll of the eyes. A barbed comment here and there.
Can you relate?
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we do this to others?
I'm beginning to see that the need for reconciliation runs deep within the veins of humanity. We don't want our relationships to end up broken. We don't want to hurt each other or to be hurt. Instead, we long for the fullness and love that solid, healthy relationships bring.
So, to me, I could see why it would make sense to stick around even after you've been hurt.
But that begs the question, why can't we just do the "adult" thing and speak what's on our mind?
I always find it incredibly ironic that we always refer to speaking desires and opinions as the "mature" thing to do. I mean, have you ever heard someone who says that they "wish that certain people can just sit down and talk things out like 'adults'?"
What does that even mean? In my experience, for better or worse, it is the 'adults' who do much less talking, and do it far less honestly than immature children do.
I digress though.
Oddly enough, I think that in this I am discovering a vital truth about God and how He desires us to live.
We don't do things the easy way because we crave worth. We crave intimacy. To be known so deeply that one would never have to verbalize what is wrong because it is already known.
Do you have a friend like that?
One that doesn't have to hear that something is wrong in your life, they just know?
I'll take it one step further; have you ever had a friendship that went beyond the crappy times?
Have you ever had that friend that is super perceptive to your moods, feelings, desires? They can relate almost every time you say something? They are the first to be there? They are genuine
It is difficult to find a friendship like this, but it is something that I believe humans deeply need and want. We want to be known.
The funny thing is, at the core of the Christian belief is a God who desires that exact same thing!
I'm not talking about Christianity as it has been portrayed by people. The scandal. The injustices caused. The hypocritical actions by pastors. The judgmentalistic attitudes. Often I wonder if these people have read the same Bible as I have....
What one must understand is that the Christian faith goes far deeper than the labels that humans have managed to create for it. Far deeper.
It is a story about God. It is a story about us. And it is, at it's core, a story of love and relationship.
Jesus Christ was that friend. The one we long for. He was intimately accquainted with every single person who was ever. Every single person! It's that thought that blows my mind, yet makes complete sense.
When humans are said to have been made in God's image I don't think it's just a reference to physicality. We have a part of God in us. We are a reflection of Him.
Isn't that crazy?
So is it possible that there is a link between intimacy with God and our intimacy with others?
Better yet, would having a deeper sense of intimacy with the One who placed that desire in the human heart change how we interact with others?
I think it's definitely possible.