Yesterday I recieved some hard news.
You know, the kind of news that makes you sick to your core because it totally disregards everything you hope to present about yourself.
Someone placed a judgement upon me, a judgement about my character, which really crushed me. It hurt really bad.
My head is still trying to process this.
Have you ever had those moments where the truth you know about yourself is called into question, and you have to weigh what you know in your heart to be true against what another says about you?
Like it or not, the opinions of others matter to us.
Through this though, I have brothers who are in this with me. One went with me the other day to the meeting, and, let me tell you, I was so grateful that I didn't have to walk into it alone.
I texted my other brothers this morning, just telling them I was at a bad place in my head, and my brother Luis was right on it. He offered to talk, and even though I didn't really feel like talking, I called him. I was definitely glad that I did. He listened to what had happened and told me that I wasn't alone. That he didn't think of me any less and that he loved me.
Those words made all the difference.
It is why I can write this today.
I have said before that I think the only way to substantially grow, in this life, is through trial.
Through fire. Pain. Hurt.
I still believe that.
The situation yesterday was about as hurtful of a situation that I've had to deal with in quite some time. Yet through this I know I'm going to be ok, an assurance I'm confident I wouldn't have had by dealing with this on my own.
Paul writes in Romans 8:38-39 and says:
"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
The part that sticks out to me is the bit about fears today, and worries about tomorrow.
I don't have to worry about God loving me more or less each day. I don't have to be afraid.
This is the importance of brothers (or sisters respectively). Other people can be God's presence among us, they can lift us up and help us when we aren't strong enough to fight for ourselves. They can show us truth and love when all we know are lies.
I am so grateful for my brothers today. Because of them I choose not to lose hope, but to continue to strive to be all that I can be. All that I'm destined to be.
I won't give up. I won't stop fighting. I won't submit to lies.
There is a peace that transcends all understanding, and even today in the midst of a chaotic mind, I will choose to find and live in that.
Thanks my brothers.