Thursday, October 6, 2011

My Favorite "Christian-ese" Sayings...

Ah, Christianese. Such an eloquent language. The jargon that is spoken by many a young college student, who is super pumped about the weekly campus ministry meetings, and "devo" time.

The language that falls off the lips when talking with unbelievers, leaving them speechless, because they have no idea what you were talking about...

These are some of my favorite phrases used in the Christian subculture today, each with a significant meaning, yet they never fail to make me smile because of the images they do conjure.


10) "How is your prayer life?"

Apparently I somehow managed to create an alternate reality upon becoming a Christian.

9) "Can I pray over you?"

Well, no, actually. I would rather you pray with me, or equal to me. When you pray over me I tend to feel inferior unless, of course, you meant over me in the sense of different levels. In which case, would the height matter? Would this be more effective if you were in an airplane, as opposed to standing while I sit?

8) "Washed in the Blood of the Lamb."

Ah yes, sacrificial metaphor. Nevertheless, I cannot help but wonder what good a blood bath would do. Does the type of blood matter? Do we have to draw a bath, or can it somehow run through the shower head? How often should I wash myself in lamb's blood?

7) "Are you saved?"

I find it quite annoying to use a past tense word, in a present tense sentence. Makes no sense to me. Have I been saved, would be a more accurate question.

6) "I've been really convicted lately."

Apparently you frequent the local courthouse more than a beatnik does a jazz club. Maybe you should hire a better attorney.

5) "God put you on my heart."

Uhm, ok... if this were true, then your heart would be a nice lumpy pile of mush, 'cause I sure as hell am not the lightest person who has ever walked the earth.

4) "I was filled with the Holy Spirit."

Does this mean we can't go to Taco Bell? 'Cause I'm still hungry.

3) "My heart is burdened for so and so."

Well tell them to pull their weight! Jeez. There's nothing worse than a lousy freeloader burdening up your heart...

2) "I have a heart for the lost."

But should you find them do they suddenly become insignificant?

1) "He/She is on fire for God."

Never fails to make me ponder if God is partial to incendiaries, and if so is he in the business of using human soldiers who spontaneously combust to accomplish His purposes...if so, perhaps we want to be careful around "over spiritual" people.

2 comments:

Julie said...

Haha! I love it, coming from a fairly tradition Christian background myself, I definitely relate to those phrases :p

Josh said...

It's definitely much more funny if you've been raised around it like we were! Lol