Don't get me wrong, I found it immensely flattering, and was actually pleased in a way that I could seem somewhat grounded. But, if I'm honest with you,
I'm not together. Not remotely. I'm actually in pieces.
I've known love, and lost it. I've known pain that seemed overwhelming. The choices I've made in the past have left lots of debris to be cleaned up, and many shattered dreams to be pieced back together.
I think that brokenness is something to which we all can relate. In different ways, of course, but broken is broken. We know how it feels to have something missing. We know how it feels to have our souls laid bare, and to feel desolation, and desertion.
We know how it is to drink, but to never satisfy a thirst. To eat, but to never find ourselves full. Some long to be loved, but can never find one who can fill the vast void they feel, every time they fall into their dreams.
I've often felt like a puzzle piece, in a box that's not my own. I've felt as though I don't fit, more often than I'd like. Because, in the end, that's truly what we, humans, crave. To fit. To find a place that makes sense.
It took me a long time to find God in this mess. Maybe He was buried under the endless piles of dirty laundry I had acquired. I guess, it's only when you've run out of the clean stuff, and have used that same T-shirt for the last week, that you find Him. Because, after all, we can only use the same stuff for so long before we see the need for it to be cleaned. I should also note that, most of the time, this realization comes long after our peers and family realize this need.
Once I started digging around in my dirty laundry it became painfully apparent that I couldn't clean the stuff without help. Hell, I didn't even know where to begin! God's that organizer you need to sort everything out; the reds, darks, and lights.
He's the one who can see the details of the puzzle, and knows exactly where you fit in the image.
He's the one who can salvage the shards and fragments, and create a new vase, stronger than the first. Only then can I be filled, and only then can I hold blooming life within me.
See, I think the beauty of realizing that God is not only real, but that He's love, is that it brings a broken, "un-together", messed up person, a sense of peace with what's missing within, or without. I lack, yet I know that God cares, and not only cares, but he can do what I alone can't. He can bring healing. He can fix me gradually. Craft me back together.
Even when the shattered life is all I know, I can find new hope rising from brokenness.
I'm anything but together friends, I assure you.
But, what I love most about faith in God, is that this is exactly the type of person He loves.
The adventure begins when you let Him begin to pick up the pieces...