Tuesday, July 31, 2012

There is a Hell...

Everyone loves ice cream cake, right?

If you don't, please leave. Now. No seriously, go.

Alright, come back, come back. You can still read, and enjoy with the normal people.

Basically, ice cream cake is delicious. So, you can imagine just how stoked I was when my co-worker (and good friend) Natalie came in, and informed me that there was ice cream cake in the break room's freezer for her birthday.

Uhhhh......WIN!!!! Couldn't think of a better way to end the shift.

When 10:15 rolled around, and I moseyed on up to the break room. Time to burn ten minutes in an unhealthy coma of awesome.

I pulled the cake out of the freezer and let it sit for a  bit to thaw, as I checked Facebook, e-mails, and blogger. After about 2.5 minutes I couldn't stand it any longer. I gingerly, yet  firmly popped the plastic lid open like it was the cover of the Ark of the Covenant, and what lay within didn't disappoint!

I stared in awe at a full 12 inches of chocolate, and vanilla frosted joy. If there was a Mona Lisa in the world of ice cream cake, it was on the table in front of me. It almost made me want to sit back for a bit, and further admire its sheer beauty...almost.

Naturally, my stomach won out, and I convinced myself it'd look just as (if not more) beautiful with a nice sized wedge cut out of the side. I walked over to the kitchenette unit, and pulled open one of the drawers for a knife.

No knife.

Next drawer?

No knife.

The panic lights began to flash in my head...

Next drawer.
No knife!
Next drawer. No knife!?!?!?

Why the 'eff do we have a kitchenette if we don't keep silverware handy?!?!

Frantically I searched the entire length of the damn thing. Nothing. 

"This must be Hell."  I thought.
"This has to be Hell. To have that cake, this close, and nothing short of my hands to plunge into it, to retrieve my piece?"

So I said a quick, albeit testy, prayer asking God what I could possibly have done to deserve this, and what I had to do to get my hands on a delicious slice of frosted heaven.

Out of the corner of my eye, to the left I caught a glint of light on metal. A pizza cutter! Of all things, we have a pizza cutter?

Didn't matter. Immediately I knew this was my vessel to redemption. I plunged it in the beauty of a cake, and emerged, victorious.

But let me tell you friends, there is a Hell, and after the brief taste I got tonight, I can tell you, I wouldn't wish it on the worst of my enemies...

May you continue, now and always, to enjoy the glory of cold, creamy confections!


Tim said...

You should have just eaten the whole thing with your hands, then blamed your friend for not providing any knives.

Josh said...

Hahaha! I should have! Excellent idea!