Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Thank You All

This will be my last post.

I don't know if this is indefinite or not, but I will be pursuing some new things, opening some new chapters, and closing some old ones. I don't have the time to invest in blogging anymore, not like I did.

All I can really say is that this experiment has been vastly different than I ever anticipated. You made it what it was. You helped me through some rough stuff, and your encouragements helped me more than you'll ever know.

I think about the last year. How I've grown. What I still have to work on. I know I'm far from complete, or ideal, but...for once in life, I think that things make sense. I don't have to worry, because I know my steps are guided, by one much greater than I.

I know that broken hearts can heal. Do heal. And though we still carry their scars with us, we are better for it.

As I close this chapter, I remain confident that nothing is waste. There's beauty to be found, even in the worst fathomable situation. If you take nothing else away from my "perspectives", I hope you at least take that simple truth with you.

This site will probably be up for a few weeks, then it will revert to private. Thank you my fine readers/writers. I won't forget this....

Thursday, August 9, 2012

[Music] Faceless- Red


I just want to explode. To light it all on fire, and let go.

I want someone to see the true me. 
I won't be a shadow, a ghost.

I want to light up the night.

How would it be, if we let ourselves burn bright?

We're a cocktail, waiting for a spark to ignite. 'Cuz the war within is already alight. Illuminate the night. 

Feel the heat against your skin, as it drives away the cold. Know that you won't be going back there anymore. Learn to breathe again. Feel the numbness leave, and realize you were meant for more. 

Leave the grave, and kiss the sun. Know that peace can only come, when the war is won.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

When Life's Not Clear

I've been in a bit of a fog lately. It happens every now and then, and normally it shows up for no good reason.

I've always kinda liked fog.

When I was younger, and my family was driving through the foothills of Kentucky, and the mountains of Tennessee we'd drive through sporadic blankets of fog along the way. 

It's kind of crazy to think you're driving through something that you see in the sky every day.

When you see clouds they always look so bright, and shiny. But when you're in a cloud it's dark, cool. It's almost as if the whole outside world disappears, and you're left alone in a suspended state. Left with your thoughts, in an unobtrusive environment.

That's where I've been lately.

My cloud used to be a lot darker. It was oppressive, and it didn't dissipate quickly, but these days it's just a state of numb that occurs every now and then, and disappears relatively quickly.

I couldn't tell you what triggers it. Just like I probably couldn't tell you why clouds decide to cover certain stretches of road and not others.

As we'd drive through the fog on the mountainside, I remember, it became thicker and thicker as we reached the center of the cloud. 

So thick that you could only see the yellow road stripe a few feet in front of the car. The stripe let me know that we were still on track, and not on our way off the side of the mountain. I'd anxiously watch that yellow stripe with the intensity of a hawk...

There are certain things in my life that I'm sure of. Faith, family, and friends (to name three). They're like the road, the path that I travel on, that takes me to the other side of the cloud. They're the thing that you can focus on, one step at a time.

But then there's the whole rest of the thing called life that remains enshrouded by the denser parts of the cloud. Love, living situations, income, security, marriage...the unknown.

There may be a time when these things come into focus, but for now they aren't. I'd like to think I care, part of me does at least...but mostly I don't. I don't care.

And, while I could manufacture some impressive reason why I don't, it's simply because it takes too much effort.

How much of my life have I tried to keep under tight reign? How many uncontrollable things amounted to nothing more than sheer disappointment? These ghosts linger in the fog.

All because I wouldn't acknowledge that some things just can't be known, let alone manipulated.

I guess what I'm saying is, life isn't clear to me right now. I don't know why I am where I am. I don't know my purpose (though I know I have one). I don't know why I try to pursue the unrealistic, while denying the attainable that is right in front of me. I don't know any of this...

I remember when our car would roll out of the fog, and we'd be hit with brilliant rays of sun, mercilessly pounding down on the car. Almost as if to punish it for hiding in the fog so long. I remember looking around and seeing the mountain that we traveled up in the dark, cool mists, shrinking behind us. 

And I remember that there's always sun, there's always clarity to come.

And when it does, you may find yourself over the dark mountain, and on the way to a new horizon.